When it comes to self-control, food is the item that shows how little I have. Sweet ice cream treats, crispy chips, caffeinated beverages, and rich, chocolatey desserts are my stumbling blocks, especially during times of stress.
The first twenty or so years of my life contained very few stressful triggers. My biggest concerns centered on passing college exams and being accepted by peers. I handled those minor stressors in healthy ways.
The birth of my beautiful daughter with special and medical needs brought me much joy and love. However, her developmental delays, heart condition, medications, oxygen requirements, and surgery plans started me down the never-ending path of stress. Since then, stress has been a near constant companion that I cannot seem to separate from even, though I hate it. It has affected my body physically and taken a toll on my mental health. Eating when I felt stressed became a habit that I no longer had control over.
For years, I have lived through my daughter’s multiple health scares with only weeks or a few months between issues. Sometimes, I barely had time to catch my breath or really process what happened before the next health event arose.
Over the years, I have used caffeine to help me stay awake after doing round-the-clock medications or for all-nighters at the hospital. Delicious food gave me something pleasant when my world was upsetting. When I had no energy to cook, I ordered take-out. I ate out of sheer boredom after being home for days at a time when my daughter was not stable enough to leave.
As you can imagine, my weight gradually increased over the span of a decade. I would tell myself that if I reached a certain weight, I would have to stop and make changes. Eventually, that weight would be achieved forcing me to establish a new maximum weight. Stress was a major factor in my weight gain, along with poor decisions, of course.
About a 1.5 years ago, I made a firm decision to lose weight. I achieved my desired weight after seven months of changing my diet and behaviors. I was 60 pounds lighter, and it felt great. Establishing new eating habits was difficult. After all, vegetables aren’t nearly as satisfying as chips! Conquering my stress eating habit was the hardest but most important part. There were some slips, but I always got back on track.
The quarantine events in the past few weeks have presented new challenges. My daughter's health, which is usually the major trigger for me, was no longer the cause of my stress. Instead, life's drastic changes overwhelmed me. In the first week of home isolation, my job ended, I started homeschooling my children due to school closures, and the normalcies of going to church, theaters, or malls were gone. School typically provides my daughter academics, but also supplies me with time off as a caregiver. Those breaks were abruptly no more. Two weeks later, my husband was also off work, which compounded the stress.
Photo credit: Cherry Laithang on Unsplash.com.
The cravings started, and I indulged every one of them. I taught my children how to bake a cake and make sweet tea. We made homemade cinnamon rolls, baked bread, and roasted marshmallows. I dusted off the ice cream maker and made a batch of creamy, vanilla ice cream. We made wonderful memories, but I knew that my stress eating was the driving force.
By week four of home isolation, I realized there was no amount of eating that could satisfy my cravings. Once I gave into a sugary temptation, there was another one following behind it an hour or two later. My small weight gain was going to become a large one if I continued. I had to get back on track.
Like millions of other people, this pandemic caught me off guard. The sudden changes to my familiar routine put me in old battles with stress and eating. I slipped into some old habits, but I realized it was not a healthy and sustainable response. I gave myself some grace. However, I knew I had to take responsibility to move beyond an initial crisis response and think of how I wanted to live long-term.
I no longer have a secret stash of Oreos. The waffle maker is back in retirement. There are no cake crumbs on my couch. Slice up the strawberries, because I am back to my proper eating. There are so many things out of my control right now, but this is one thing I can, if I am willing.
Evana is a wife and mother of two children. Since becoming a parent, Evana has spent many hours driving to specialty appointments, praying beside a hospital bed, and learning about her children’s diagnoses. Evana is also a pediatric speech-language pathologist and serves children with autism, feeding disorders, and other developmental delays. You can connect with Evana on Twitter, Facebook, and her blog, A Special Purposed Life. You can also read more about her family’s story in her book, Badges of Motherhood: One Mother’s Story about Family, Down syndrome, Hospitals, and Faith.
