My son Charlie has been social distancing for months. Well, maybe even years, really.
He is 18, almost 19 and he has been very sick for months.
Charlie has struggled with gastrointestinal problems and it has been brutal for him. He has been nauseated nearly everyday since the first week of February. Since then, he hasn't gone out much because he hasn't felt well. He has been to so many doctors to figure out what is going on and to try and give him relief. He has had IV's, urine tests, blood tests, cat scans, an endoscopy, and so many more tests. He has stayed home simply because he hasn't felt well.
Then came COVID-19. The county, then the State of Florida told us to stay home.
Schools are closed and students are learning remotely. They all said stay home.
Charlie stayed home.
He already was dealing with social anxiety all his life. He would beg me at times not to go anywhere. For years, he did not want to go out much in public. He would cry when he had to work on going to stores with his therapist and talk with others when he was younger. The last few years he has made tremendous progress. He will still grumble about going places, but once he is out, then he is more positive and enjoying himself at times.
Then this.
School told us last week "it is mandatory to stay at home for the rest of the year." He doesn't even have to go to school now. He has been out already for over a month and now it will be another month.
So he stays inside, and guess what is happening? Charlie is getting more and more comfortable staying inside, not wanting to go anywhere outside of the home, not even biking like he used to do with me. He gets increased bouts of nausea and burping once he steps outside, even going to the doctor.
He is afraid.
He is afraid he will get sick again. He is afraid he will feel more sick. He is afraid to talk with anyone, scared he will get the virus, too.
For so many of our kids, they are more comfortable not socializing. So this makes them very happy, not having to go anyplace. For others, this could be some of the biggest changes in routine they have had in a long time, really a lack of routine like they are used to having. They may not be able to go to their favorite parks. Some of them don't like changes in their environments and weekly plans.
I am concerned, as our social distancing goes on for months, this will be a difficult transition back to socializing with more people, besides in the comfort of our own homes. They won't want to leave our homes. They may be afraid. They may be anxious. They may even be nervous.
Photo credit: Christopher Paul High on Unsplash.com.
So how can you help your child now not be too anxious, or nervous to leave once we start getting back to "normal?"
Start Working On It Now Try and make weekly, if not daily, visits with other friends or family over live video chats. If you don't have access to internet or have a device to do this, try and have them communicate with family or friends by writing or drawing pictures, to keep some kind of communication open. Coordinate regular video chats with a friend at school. Start talking about the schedule that will happen once stay-at-home orders are lifted.
Have Some Communication Be Spontaneous At random times, tell your child you are going to call a friend or family member and talk; at other times, make calls a scheduled activity. Use the Marco Polo App or other similar communication apps to send short videos to friends and family, so they can respond and send their videos back to you. The videos can be short and fun. This can be great practice for your child’s communication skills. They could answer questions from a family or friend, or ask and answer back and forth. Another idea is give your child the choice to make a joke video or a dance video challenge to your family or friends, and keep the conversation going back and forth.
Play Social Skills Games Games that increase your child’s social skills are excellent choices, so your child’s social skills don't diminish, or even help them to increase. Lists of all kinds of games can be found on Pinterest. Here are some good options: Would You Rather, any Feelings Games, Conversation Practice Games, Monopoly, Headbands, The Game of Life, and making up your own Bingo are some other good choices, too.
Be mindful of your child’s behaviors during this quarantine. Observe how he or she is responding to you and others. Try your best to use this time to give your child more attention, so he or she doesn’t become more isolated internally. If you are able to go outside, this helps too, for your child to see life still going on. I have seen neighbors play games outside across the street from each other. That is being creative!
Let's try and make sure our kids that have gained social skills do not regress, due to our months-long quarantine. If we work on these skills now, it will help our children when we get back to our "normal" schedules.
Stay safe and socialize!
Patty Myers is the Director of Building Pathways.
