Father in heaven,
You are holy.
Your ways are as mysterious as ever.
Disability and illness have turned my family and life upside down.
And then there was a pandemic.
I am watching people argue, chafe, get sick, get well and get sick again.
As many around us are running back to “normal,”
my family feels left behind.
Our isolation has simplified many things but it is also daunting and haunting.
It is not time for us to go back to the way things were.
I’m not sure that is even the place we should go.
So much has changed.
Much has stayed the same.
This season of “limbo” is making me restless. And jealous.
I wonder.
Have I learned enough through these challenges?
How long, oh Lord?
To these things I cling:
Evil, enemy forces are raging.
Yet You stand in authority.
What the enemy means for evil, you will multiply for good.
You will do more with all of these complicated circumstances
than I ask or can fathom.
Nothing is too complicated for you and
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
You are trustworthy.
Jesus, I am weak and confused.
The demands of caregiving day-in-and-day-out weary me.
Sleepless nights make for loud arguments in my mind.
And sometimes in my household.
I confess that sometimes my emotions feel explosive.
My tongue is too quick to criticize or wound.
Sometimes I am silent when it is better to process hurts and questions aloud —
first with You and then with others.
There are so many decisions to make.
There is a mountain of fear.
My family is vulnerable.
Circumstances are changing daily
even moment to moment.
There is a whirlwind of uncertainty.
I need an extra measure of discernment and strength for this slog.
When can my children return to school?
How can I get some rest?
When and how can intimacy grow with my spouse?
Will I ever stop feeling judged?
When will it be safe for my family to go to church?
Are we operating in fear or reasonable caution?
Is feeling forgotten and abandoned just my perception or a reality?
Is our church too busy for us?
Are we too demanding?
How can we experience satisfying fellowship while we wait?
Is there some better way for me to provide for my family than I have yet seen?
Will You do it, Lord?
Open my eyes to the opportunities.
Help me to hold onto hope.
Help me to extend grace to those who have wronged me or my family.
Thank you for meeting me in the whirlwind.
Your promises and character remain unchanging.
Photo credit: Manuel Keusch on Pexels.com.
I need You, my Anchor.
Knit my family and community together in fresh ways.
Dispute the lies in my head that suggest,
“This is as good as it gets.”
With You, there is always more and better.
Redemption and provision are near.
Forgive me when my faith is small
and when I pridefully run ahead without You.
I need reassurance that Your Kingdom is coming.
Jesus, hear my groans.
Interpret every longing
According to the Father’s own will.
Do this for my good
and the good of my family
but for Your glory, Lord!
Lisa Jamieson is a caregiver consultant, pastoral counsellor and author of popular books and Bible studies including Finding Glory in the Thorns and Jesus, Let’s Talk. Lisa and her husband, Larry, live in Minnesota with the youngest of their three grown daughters, Carly, who has Angelman Syndrome. Together, the Jamiesons founded Walk Right In Ministries in 2008, a non-profit organization building faith and community with special needs families.
