“I don’t see anything wrong with that child.”
Give it 10 minutes; give it an hour. Take time to be with “that child” or “that adult,” and then you will be able to discern what makes them different, where they excel, and where they need additional help.
So many disabilities, illnesses, and diseases are not “visible”.
Children with mild disabilities are labeled "trouble-makers" because of their odd or poor behavior. Because they look “normal” in size and appearance, and perhaps in some abilities, their needs may be tragically overlooked. Caregivers of people with hidden disabilities have a much more difficult time persuading others (sometimes including their families) of their daily struggles.
Those with hidden disabilities may be highly functioning in a particular topic but cannot figure out how to work a microwave or remote control. Some might know everything about a subject in school that they find enjoyable but would not be able to ride public transportation, let alone drive a car. Something like balancing a checkbook would never be a possibility. Those with ADD or ADHD may have various areas in which they excel but cannot sit still because they need to keep moving!
Photo by Katherine Hanlon on Unsplash
These hidden disability challenges can range from a child with various special needs to a patient with dementia or Alzheimer’s. In our experience as a couple, 2 of our parents had dementia, and guests would say, “Wow, they are doing great.” The problem? Guests visiting for 10 minutes to an hour do not see the extent of care needed, behaviors that flare up, stories fabricated, etc. Caregivers know the fuller deal of the challenges, while some observers might be whispering how terrible it is that they are in a “care” facility.
Although caring for someone with hidden disabilities does not make you a bad parent or caregiver, you may have difficulty convincing others, (if you choose to do so), that something is just out of sight. Challenges such as bipolar disorder, autism, ADHD, and even depression, do not always “show” themselves in a way that is obvious to others. Some people with special needs have one or more of these hidden disabilities. We must all learn to be patient with others and tolerant of things that seem out of place without an understanding of how to “fix” them. As well as maintain a good listening ear to engage in the learning process.
The answer to how to deal with this dilemma is not easy, but as caregivers, we can also be educators.
Let us show patience to those who think they have all the answers and also to the ones with hidden disabilities as they try to make it in life.
Even though it might be a challenge, we need to love others as we teach them understanding and how to help. We are the mirror to reflect how to act and respond in loving ways.
And lastly, we must care. Care for our child or loved one who cannot speak up or care for themselves. Advocate however and wherever we can. Care for those who do not care. Show them to see and learn as we have an opportunity. There may be few opportunities, but when they present themselves, we must be ready.
Ready, set, go! You can do it! Someone is counting on you!
Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini share their newest book: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey (order at www.cindiferrini.com). They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs. They spoke nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways for 20 years, authored *Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at: www.cindiferrini.com and via social media at: www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini, www.facebook.com/UnexpectedJourney/, www.facebook.com/MyMarriageMatters/
